Parenting An Athlete Newsletter
February 25, 2008
Tom Burgdorf
Our Goal - A great situation for the athletes, the coaches and the parents.
If you like most of what is in this newsletter, and you know of others in
your circle of friends who might also be interested, please e-mail it to
them. The more families we can touch with these messages the better.
Hope everyone got what they wanted from their sweetheart last week.
Let's get to work.
The Meet Yesterday
So for 2 weeks I have gone through my mind how I was going to handle a 5
year old gymnast with a prosthesis on her leg competing in my meet. By now
you know how I feel about children challenging themselves and achieving.
About them facing difficulties and dealing with them. About how, when we
let them, children do more than we expect.
One thing you may not know about me is my emotional side. I am passionate
about making children more "ready" for life. Sports give us a vehicle
to educate our children for life. If you have been to my Gymnastics Team
Parent Seminars around the country you have seen my passion. If you have
been to my meets you have seen my dedication and passion for sportsmanship
and making EVERY athlete feel important. And all of that comes with a price
for me. That price being that I occasionally "lose it" to my emotions.
Big strong tough Tom. Former Drill Sergeant Tom.
So I rehearse for 2 weeks how I am going to handle this little girl walking
into the meet. I know she wants to be treated like everyone else. I know
her parents probably don't want any special treatment or notice. Let the
little girl compete. Let the little girl come up and get her awards. Let
me announce her name for her awards as if she is the same as everyone else.
Sure. I know I am not strong enough to do that.
I get to the gym early, I was told that she was either going to compete Level
3 or Level 4. Level 4's were scheduled for the morning session. I watched.
Couldn't see her. So I would have to wait until the afternoon session with
the Level 3's. Still going through my head how to handle things. Still worried.
But excited that the other athletes in that session were going to learn a
few things. Important things.
Level 3's come in, start their open stretch, my emotions are building as
I know I have to be strong and professional. No sign of her. I have the coaches
meeting for the session and I take her coach aside and ask about the little
girl. The coach tells me that I misunderstood and that the little girl was
training and would be competing in the fall with us.
6 more months to think about this.
Determination In Athletes
I like tough kids. An example about what it is all about. Yesterday in the
meet we had one of the better gymnasts start her meet off on beam. She is
a fun girl and every time she comes to my meets she always makes it a point
to come see me and say hi and ask me how I am doing. She is about 11. She
always places in the top 3 in her age group.
She starts the meet on beam and I happen to see that she is starting her
routine. Wobbles and falls. Very unusual. So unusual you can see that she
gets back on a little confused about the fall, doesn't concentrate and then
falls again. Wow. And Tom gets excited. Now how is she going to handle this
situation? (I love seeing kids challenged and taken out of their comfort
zone) She finishes beam okay. I am proud of her.
I get back to my job as meet director and I don't notice her anymore until
the awards. This tough kid blows beam and then goes 1st, 1st and 2nd on her
last 3 events. And wins the All Around Championship. That girl is going places.
I am talking about life, not gymnastics. Fall down, brush yourself off, go
running to Mommy in tears for help and support. No, fall down, brush yourself
off, and get back to work with determination and confidence.
Way to go Brittany.
Sports can help develop these types of traits in our young people. That is "when
we let them scrape their knee" and then stand up by themselves.
A Simple Question For You This Week
Do you have high expectations for each of your kids?
Self Sufficient
How self sufficient is your athlete? We want that, don't we? We don't want
them dependent on us for everything, do we? Can they make a snack themselves
for their team practice? Can they make their own lunch at home? Can they
wash their clothes? Take a bath by themselves?
Can the athletes warm up on their own in the gym or on the field? Do they
need their hand held to do their stretching? Can they be told to do something
in the gym for 5 minutes and actually get it done without a coach looking
over their shoulder? I want self sufficient athletes and kids.
We all want that, don't we? Or does it make us feel more important as adults
that the kids can't do without us? That isn't good. We should get lots of
satisfaction when we see them do what they know they should do and what they
are capable of doing, without us. I always wanted to run a "coachless" gymnastics
meet. The kids warmed up and competed and the coaches sat in the stands with
the parents. (that part may need a little more thought)
Could they take care of themselves at the meet? I am sure of it. And guess
what would happen? A couple of the athletes would step up and take charge.
And I know that these leaders wouldn't accept bad attitudes from the others.
It would be so much fun. How about a coachless baseball game. Players taking
care of themselves. Even coaching at first base and third base. What a terrific
experience that would be. We over coach too much. We over parent too much.
But we are getting better.
Enjoy making your athlete self sufficient. For their benefit and yours as
it is comforting to know that they will be okay without us.
Bad Attitude
I think the vast majority of the kids "learn" a bad attitude. I
really do think most kids are pleasant. But they learn that a bad attitude
can get them things and can also influence others. They learn that a bad
attitude attracts attention. They see that they are noticed when they show
a bad attitude. And sometimes they are catered to. And they usually still
get what they want whether they have a good attitude or a bad attitude.
I think they should be shown that a bad attitude gets less and makes others
sad. That what you want is a good attitude. You learn more. You have people
want to work with you. You get more. It is more fun to have a good attitude.
Aren't those good things?
So somehow we have to show them that a bad attitude is bad. They are deprived
of things. They get those "talks" from the parents and coaches.
They don't get to compete. They don't get to be around the rest of the team
or the rest of the family if they have a bad attitude. Something has to happen.
Ignoring a bad attitude breeds more.
I really believe that if we don't put up with the bad attitude the majority
of the kids will change. We just accept it too much. We make excuses for
it too much. It isn't fun to be a kid with a bad attitude.
Weekly Parenting Project
Count the number of times each of your children shows a bad attitude this
week. You may be surprised. Maybe by how frequently they show the bad attitude.
Maybe how long these attitudes last. Maybe even that 1 of your darling children
has more bad attitude incidents than the others.
Now the key is what you are going to do with this information.
Forgiveness
Good or bad? As a husband I am always relieved when she "forgives me" and
stops punishing me for the "slight mistake" I may have made. (usually
the forgiveness comes 7 - 10 days after the incident)
There is certainly a place for forgiveness. There is also a place for not
messing up in the first place. I want these kids and athletes to learn to "think" before
they act and maybe NOT mess up in the first place. If there is too much forgiveness
then we may be breeding 2nd and 3rd chances when kids mess up. I have written
in the past that these kids need to be making correct choices when they get
12+. There isn't a lot of forgiveness and 2nd chances when it comes to mistakes
with drugs, driving, sex, parties, and all of the other things that happen
with our teenagers.
I love forgiveness, especially between husband and wife, but with the kids
the rules might be a little different. Just something to consider.
What The Kids Learn
When:
They show a bad attitude at the mall and the parent changes her mind about
buying the child the jeans that she wants. The child learns a lot.
Weekly Words To The Kids
This is going to be an area that is included in most newsletters. These are
my words to your kids. Share them with them if you want. Tell them "Tom" said
this or that. Use me to your advantage. (I don't mind being the bad guy sometimes)
Hey kids - think about this – "This week ask your Mom or Dad to
teach you 3 new things to do around the house. Load the dishwasher, or vacuum,
or wash your clothes, or how to start the dryer, or how to cook a meat loaf,
or make a salad for the family all by yourself. The more you learn the better
you will be later on. And you will be helping around the house. That would
be great." (and it will make your parents happy too.)
Parenting Priority
A challenge this week. Teach your kids a couple of things around the house.
Have a great week.
Tom B.
Newsletter Publisher
Tom Burgdorf/Former Gymnastics Club Owner/Former Gymnastics Club Head
Coach
Current National Lecturer for the gymnastics industry/Lecturer at 9 USAG
National Congresses
CO-Director of 3 Region 4 Gymnastics Training Congresses - 2000/2002/2004
Lecturer to gym owners, gymnastics staff, team gymnasts and team parents
in over 40 cities in EACH of the past 3 years.
Owner GYMNET Sports/Organizer and 1 of 4 National Committee persons in charge
of Amerikids Gymnastics
Meet Director of 6 gymnastics meets per year for the past 20 years.
GYMNET Sports 112 Donnie Lane St. Peters, MO. 63376 tomgymnet@aol.com <mailto:tomgymnet@aol.com>
www.gymnetsports.com <http://www.gymnetsports.com/>
Phone & Fax 1 636 980 1903
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